real talk with viv

it's me again, how are you my lovely little cupcakes? (too much? too much.) i hope you're all doing amazing and better than i'm doing. which isn't hard i guess.

the title says it all - it's time for some real talk. what about you ask? mental health.

there is a lot of shit being said about people suffering from depression, anxiety or any other mental illness and why's that? because "normal" people are not educated enough in this field. society labels us as lazy people, claiming to feel bad but apparently it's all just a phase according to them. well guess fucking what karen, it is NOT a phase. it's a serious health problem just like cancer or any other physical illness. just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not real. this stigma is making it really hard for people like me to come forward, seek help or talk about this with others. i constantly feel judged and invalidated if i tell people i've been depressed for 7 years and there's no end in sight. 

just go outside a little, the weather is so nice - you'll immediately feel better!

yeah no, that's not how it works. it's not the weather, it's not temporary. i'm ill and you shouldn't invalidate this. you should not be ashamed of speaking up and saying "hey, i'm depressed" because there's no reason to be ashamed of!!  look at you - you're still here with us! you're fucking strong so why should you be ashamed? if anything you should be fucking proud of yourself because i sure as hell am!! it's not easy to stay at least a bit positive when your mind is taking over all your senses and ruins everything for you.

you seem way too alive to suffer from depression!

this is a quote from my mother. this was her reaction of me telling her that i suffer from depression and anxiety. she has no idea how depression and mental illnesses in general work. everyone suffers in a different way and that's fine. you can't generalize how mental illnesses affect you and how you suffer or cope with the pain. sure, the symptoms are the same but the outcome of it all can vary A LOT. i for one laugh a lot, seem pretty happy all the time, crack jokes and make people laugh with my weird jokes and behaviour. what goes on in my mind during those times though is something completely different. i can be with my absolute best friends doing the things i love the most and still feel lonelier than i've ever felt and sadder than ever. this is not how it works for everyone and that's the reality. so don't believe the stereotypes and don't use those standard phrases if you know anyone that suffers from depression. it only makes them feel worse and it's fucking stupid.

self harm is dumb, just stop it. there's no sense in doing it.

no shit, sherlock! instead of telling me that it's dumb and doesn't make sense you could help me in some way, help me get help. don't point out my scars if you see them in summer when i'm wearing a shirt or basically whenever they're visible. i'm aware of them and personally am not hiding them but it still makes me uncomfortable (especially if you're a stranger) when you ask me about them or make too much of a big deal out of them. yes, i know they're there and yes there's a story to them but i would rather not talk about it. it's a sensible topic and most people are triggered by it so please - avoid that topic!

pah - as if you're suicidal! look at you - always laughing and happy! that's not true.

suicidal people can look like that stereotype you have in your mind; sad, depressed, probably lying in their bed, crying and just a fucking mess. most of the time though they look like a normal person, laughing, enjoying things and doing whatever a "normal person does. don't judge a book by it's cover, right? you never know what's going on and invalidating other's problems is just insensitive and makes the other person (and especially me) feel like absolute shit. i've been through this enough times to know how hurtful comments like that can be. ALSO - you don't need a failed suicide attempt to be allowed to be labeled "suicidal". that's not how it works.

i could rant for hours about this but i don't want this to turn into a 10 page post of me ranting about how people treat mental illnesses. what i'm gonna do now is to give some tips for those of you who don't suffer from any mental health issues but know someone who does! it's not easy to deal with if you've never been in that situation yourself and that's absolutely fine! i'm glad there are people who never had to go through this!

so, here are some tips based on my own experience and what works for me but also based on some of my friends and their way of dealing with this.

• avoid talking about self-harm scars or basically anything that triggers them! it'll probably just make it worse even if you didn't mean to harm them even more.
• don't give them dumb standard phrases like the ones i mentioned above. it's just stupid and makes them feel more ashamed of themselves and isolate even more.
• don't be mad at them if they just disappear for a while or don't text you back/call you back or anything like that. a lot of people (like myself) isolate themselves from everyone in their worst times. instead of being mad at them just check in on them once in a while and show them you're here to help and listen if they need you.
• please don't treat them like they're some fragile little human. treat them like you would treat all your other friends. sure, be careful on some topics but don't make them feel "different" from the others.
• forcing them to open up is not the right way. they will come to you eventually and talk
• if they cancel plans because they just don't feel good don't act up. give them space and time - they'll need it and talk to you again eventually when they're better.
• don't ever make them feel like their pain is not real or not that bad. it is real to them and it's making life really hard so instead of invalidating them try to get them out of their low (without forcing them!!!)

i think that's it for the most part. obviously this is not the way every depressed person wants to be treated but that's what i mainly experienced and it's a start i'd say. get to know the person and their problems and then try to help them in any way. you can't cure them but you can make their problems more bearable. 

if you have any questions regarding depression or depressed people and how this all works and what you can do feel free to leave a comment and i'll get back to you asap! i'm always happy to help out!!

BREAK THE STIGMA!!

Vivi - over and out.

EDIT: i totally forgot to include my tattoo in this! i got my first tattoo ever when i was 17 and it's my constant reminder that i need to keep fighting and that i'm strong as fuck. all of you fighting are fucking warriors.