another real talk with viv!
hi hello what's up y'all?? I'm back and not dead - what a surprise!
I was struggling to find a new topic to write about and I asked my followers on Instagram and Twitter (lmao wow I'm so famous 👀 - ha, never.) but it wasn't that helpful since like only 2 people actually suggested topics. Soooooo I guess I'm just gonna fucking wing this and try to pull some stuff out of my ass to entertain you guys!
One of the suggestions I got was Meet & Greets or just in general meeting some of my favorite actors but I gotta say that I feel like talking about mental health some more. Sorry!
Today I talked a lot about mental health again and how happy it makes me to see that my blog did actually help some of you. I got a lot of really really sweet and supportive messages on Instagram and people told me that it makes them feel less ashamed of their problems to see me talking about it that openly. This is my goal - I want to educate people and help those who suffer in any way possible.
I explained someone today what it means to be "passively suicidal". I wouldn't really call myself suicidal but I actually am in some way. Passively. What does that mean you might ask? Well, you can be suicidal and actually think about ending it all and maybe end up doing it OR you can feel like you want to die and end it all but can't actually do it or want to BUT if anything happened to you - you wouldn't care at all. Let me give you an example: If I got hit by a car I would probably not give a fuck and hope I won't survive it. I would never have the balls to kill myself and I don't really feel the urge to do it but if something happened to me? I wouldn't mind it happening.
Does this make sense? I hope so.
Suicidal isn't always wanting to end it yourself and actually feeling the urge to do it. It could just be not caring about you dying.
I also had to explain someone that self harm isn't only cutting. There are many many ways of hurting yourself. I myself mainly cut myself (side note: I'M 102 DAYS CLEAN TODAY - WOOOOHOOOOO!!) or bruise myself or once in a while put out cigarettes on my body.
Hitting yourself until you bruise is really common and hurts like hell, putting out cigarettes is fucking painful but there is more stuff.
Even if it doesn't seem THAT bad - denying yourself food is also a way of hurting yourself or punishing yourself. Some people I know start picking on their skin until they bleed or their skin bursts open in certain areas. There's hair-pulling, scratching until you bleed or in non-physical ways like knowingly ruining your chances at something to basically sabotage yourself and destroy this possible future for you.
People also don't hurt themselves just for one reason or for the same reason. Sure, most people think we hurt ourselves as a cry for help, to get attention or to feel something at all. Well, that's correct, those are some of the most common reasons probably but there's more. I for one did it to punish myself for fucking up. Whenever I fucked up big time in my opinion I hurt myself to make me realize that I did something wrong and bad. I wanted to make myself feel fucking miserable for the mistake. For other people it can be used as a distraction from other problems they might not want to deal with. I'm talking about problems in their mind, emotional problems that are too deep to deal with. Some do it to be in control of their emotions and their situation or simply out of routine if they've been doing it for quite a while. I used to cut myself without any fucking reason at all just because I felt like I HAD to and because it felt like a routine for me. It was normal at some point and you know how they say that cutting is addictive? Well - fuck me it's true. It really is true.
Why thank you, I would have never known. Fuck off. Honestly, if you say something like this don't expect anyone to seek help in you because we all know that it doesn't help but it's a temporary relief for a lot of people. The feeling of regret and shame that you feel afterwards is fucking horrible and I don't need anyone uneducated telling me what I already know.
I just want to mention a really important fact right here: NOT only girls hurt themselves. A lot of boys/men do it as well but everyone just thinks it's a "female" problem. (Same goes for eating disorders, by the way. Men suffer from that shit, too. Believe it or not.)
Oh, and not everyone that hurts themselves is automatically suicidal. Keep that in mind.
If you hurt yourself and are too scared to get help try to talk to your closest friend or your parents if you have a good relationship with them. Talk to someone you trust and slowly open up. There are many ways to help you and it feels like a huge relief to open up and let this "secret" out. You don't have to be ashamed of it at all!! It's a common problem and nothing to be ashamed of. If you're not ready to talk to someone yet that's fine. You can find a lot of alternatives to self-harm online and I'm gonna list some of them for you.
I was struggling to find a new topic to write about and I asked my followers on Instagram and Twitter (lmao wow I'm so famous 👀 - ha, never.) but it wasn't that helpful since like only 2 people actually suggested topics. Soooooo I guess I'm just gonna fucking wing this and try to pull some stuff out of my ass to entertain you guys!
One of the suggestions I got was Meet & Greets or just in general meeting some of my favorite actors but I gotta say that I feel like talking about mental health some more. Sorry!
Today I talked a lot about mental health again and how happy it makes me to see that my blog did actually help some of you. I got a lot of really really sweet and supportive messages on Instagram and people told me that it makes them feel less ashamed of their problems to see me talking about it that openly. This is my goal - I want to educate people and help those who suffer in any way possible.
I explained someone today what it means to be "passively suicidal". I wouldn't really call myself suicidal but I actually am in some way. Passively. What does that mean you might ask? Well, you can be suicidal and actually think about ending it all and maybe end up doing it OR you can feel like you want to die and end it all but can't actually do it or want to BUT if anything happened to you - you wouldn't care at all. Let me give you an example: If I got hit by a car I would probably not give a fuck and hope I won't survive it. I would never have the balls to kill myself and I don't really feel the urge to do it but if something happened to me? I wouldn't mind it happening.
Does this make sense? I hope so.
Suicidal isn't always wanting to end it yourself and actually feeling the urge to do it. It could just be not caring about you dying.
I also had to explain someone that self harm isn't only cutting. There are many many ways of hurting yourself. I myself mainly cut myself (side note: I'M 102 DAYS CLEAN TODAY - WOOOOHOOOOO!!) or bruise myself or once in a while put out cigarettes on my body.
Hitting yourself until you bruise is really common and hurts like hell, putting out cigarettes is fucking painful but there is more stuff.
Even if it doesn't seem THAT bad - denying yourself food is also a way of hurting yourself or punishing yourself. Some people I know start picking on their skin until they bleed or their skin bursts open in certain areas. There's hair-pulling, scratching until you bleed or in non-physical ways like knowingly ruining your chances at something to basically sabotage yourself and destroy this possible future for you.
People also don't hurt themselves just for one reason or for the same reason. Sure, most people think we hurt ourselves as a cry for help, to get attention or to feel something at all. Well, that's correct, those are some of the most common reasons probably but there's more. I for one did it to punish myself for fucking up. Whenever I fucked up big time in my opinion I hurt myself to make me realize that I did something wrong and bad. I wanted to make myself feel fucking miserable for the mistake. For other people it can be used as a distraction from other problems they might not want to deal with. I'm talking about problems in their mind, emotional problems that are too deep to deal with. Some do it to be in control of their emotions and their situation or simply out of routine if they've been doing it for quite a while. I used to cut myself without any fucking reason at all just because I felt like I HAD to and because it felt like a routine for me. It was normal at some point and you know how they say that cutting is addictive? Well - fuck me it's true. It really is true.
"Stop hurting yourself, it won't help you."
Why thank you, I would have never known. Fuck off. Honestly, if you say something like this don't expect anyone to seek help in you because we all know that it doesn't help but it's a temporary relief for a lot of people. The feeling of regret and shame that you feel afterwards is fucking horrible and I don't need anyone uneducated telling me what I already know.
I just want to mention a really important fact right here: NOT only girls hurt themselves. A lot of boys/men do it as well but everyone just thinks it's a "female" problem. (Same goes for eating disorders, by the way. Men suffer from that shit, too. Believe it or not.)
Oh, and not everyone that hurts themselves is automatically suicidal. Keep that in mind.
If you hurt yourself and are too scared to get help try to talk to your closest friend or your parents if you have a good relationship with them. Talk to someone you trust and slowly open up. There are many ways to help you and it feels like a huge relief to open up and let this "secret" out. You don't have to be ashamed of it at all!! It's a common problem and nothing to be ashamed of. If you're not ready to talk to someone yet that's fine. You can find a lot of alternatives to self-harm online and I'm gonna list some of them for you.
- Write down thoughts and feelings that are distressing you; crumple the page up, rip it apart and throw them out as a way to let go of that thought.
- Get some play-dough: stretch it or squeeze it to relieve tension.
- Hit a pillow or cushion to vent your anger and frustration.
- Have a good scream into a pillow or cushion.
- Take a minute and breathe or meditate.
- Go for a walk to take yourself away from triggers. Being in a public place gives you the time and space to reduce the urge to hurt yourself.
- Make lots of noise, either with a musical instrument or just banging on pots and pans.
- Scribble on the spots you want to hurt yourself with a red pen.
- Call a friend or family member and talk to them. This doesn’t have to be about self-harm.
- Do something creative: make a collage of colours to represent your mood or to remind you of your favourite things.
- Listen to music you like or watch a film you enjoy.
- Talk to a therapist about your problems.
There are a lot more alternatives and you have to find the right ones for you that works but in the end you should try to seek professional help. Talk to a therapist or at least to someone close to you as a start. This is a serious issue and I don't want to see anyone in pain and suffering if there are ways to avoid it. You can get better again and you will. Don't ever give up!
IF you don't have anyone to talk to or feel comfortable enough to talk to - don't hesitate to text me on Twitter, Instagram or comment on here!! I'm always here for people who need help and will always listen to you and try my best to help in any way or just distract you.
Viv - over and out.
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